By: Detri L. McGhee, CLU, ChFC, B.Min
In our last visit, we pondered the power of ACTION and looked at a brief summary of the C-A-T System used to deal successfully with criticism and all its relatives.
C = Categorize
A = Analyze
T = Take Action
A little reminder from last visit: Gaining EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (EI) requires choices, diligence, and work. Work is best accomplished with a plan. This plan? A simple 3-step system that, once learned and practiced, becomes second nature. The T (Take Action) has 3 parts. Rather than choosing #1: Ignore the problem or #2 – Get angry, get even, get ulcers, what if we choose #3: Wisely (after dissecting the situation, part of C and A) take Fact by Fact and… a. Discard it or b. Use for profit?
Once you fully and honestly analyze each part of the criticism, you are now ready for the profitable work. You have determined which parts of this criticism are:
· Correct/Incorrect
· Deserved/Undeserved
· Solicited/Unsolicited
· From a friend or foe
THIS is where the FUN begins! Here you begin to feel the freedom from the control and the power that criticism, or fear of criticism, has held over you in so many ways. So, take a section that you view as Incorrect/Undeserved/Unsolicited (whether from friend or foe or stranger) and recognize it as worthless, or less-than-having worth. It is not only trash, but also cluttering and even contaminating your mind and your work. It is also worthless stress, robbing you of peace and power. You need to be free from it.
Easier said than done, right! You were wronged. You want vindication. You want justification. Everyone should KNOW that you weren’t deserving of that criticism. Well, here is where you choose whether you are willing to relinquish THEIR control over YOU. At no time in your life will all the people in your world understand your true self. Quit wasting your time, emotions, energy, money, and peacefulness on trying to prove to others how right you really are. It will never happen. Learn to “accept the things you cannot change.” Did you ever realize that YOU can remove THEIR power over you? It truly is a choice.
When you play to a smaller audience, and you know them well, you have a better chance of performing your life successfully. When you narrow your audience to ONE, and you know them better each day, and you seek to please that One, (who also loves you unconditionally!) making them your Director of Life, you have a guarantee of acceptance, help, growth, and peace. My One is God. When I remember He has the only critique that really matters, and I keep my focus on His direction, I am assured that through it all, He will guide and sustain me. I know that only He knows all there is about all there is… so He alone sees how each act/action will ripple through all the world around me and beyond.
I have had to learn to give myself some grace in this process. This is a work in progress. I often have to go to Him and admit my focus has strayed. I have – yet again – let other people’s opinion cause me stress and doubts that hurt and distract me. I must ask Him to forgive me, to clarify my thoughts, and direct my actions anew. And He delights in my return to His authority.
WHO is your Life Director? Are they perfect? Wise beyond all else? Totally trustworthy? Always have your eternal best in mind in everything they ask of you? Choices = Yours. Consequences? Not yours to determine/control.
So, how do you turn loose of criticism’s harmful powers?
OOPS! Space is up for this week, but next session we will look at one way to powerfully and effectively remove criticism’s power to haunt and follow us around. It works for others, so hopefully you will find it effective, too.
Until next time, enjoy the occasional hint of fall and its “cool” beauty. The heat will pass and soon we will be looking for the warming fire.
By: Detri McGhee – CLU, ChFC
June 20, 2025
