Help Me I’m Married… All Seems Dead

By: Donna Clark

Death Valley. A desert place that is known to be the hottest, driest, lowest place in the United States. Temperatures have been recorded as high as 134 degrees. However, once about every ten years a stupendous phenomenon occurs — the superbloom. What appears as a dry land, with very little life on the surface, erupts with flowers of brilliant color. There are three major events that must take place before this floral show begins. A rainstorm to wash the protective coating off wildflowers seeds allowing them to sprout is essential, then gentle rains that soak deeply into the soil. The seeds remain low to the ground until the springtime sun starts to warm the earth. It may not appear that these flowers are growing, but a strong root system is developing below the surface. Lastly, an absence of a harsh desert wind is a necessity. The windstorms that can sometimes blow through the valley can bring about a quick end to the spring blooms and even prevent it from happening. But when all the needed factors are in place, over ten varieties of flowers in beautiful shades of yellow, pink, and purple will emerge. I’ve never been to Death Valley and seen this gorgeous display, but the pictures I’ve seen of the event are amazing. To think of something so dry and dead bringing forth this grand show is amazing.

So, what does Death Valley, the superbloom, have to do with marriage? A lot, if you feel your marriage compares to this place of dry, parched land with little or no life emerging. The hope of beauty lies below the surface, deep in the soil of this land, just as the hope of a beautiful marriage is buried deep in the heart and mind of every couple. The seeds are there for the opportunity of growth, same in marriage. What is needed to make the flowers bloom is also needed to produce a strong marital relationship. If there have been hurts and pain from choices or words, then there has to be a realization that apologies are needed and forgiveness granted – just like the rainstorm that washes the coating off the seeds, actions are needed to wash away any guilt, anger, and unforgiveness. Even after these are done, the marriage may still not be to the level wanted, but the roots of the relationship are growing deep below the surface. Just as the warmth of the sun gives the plants what they need to emerge, so will the warmth of love and kindness strengthen a relationship and cause it to thrive. The harsh, dry, desert wind that can destroy these young plants are like harsh uncaring words that can destroy the love between two people.

I’ve introduced you to the 5 Love Languages and the 5 Apology Languages in previous articles, both are vitally important to all marriages. Now, let me share a few simple steps to a better relationship that my pastor shared this Sunday. I thought they were so timely, I had to write them all down to pass on to you. Hopefully there will be three or four of these you can adopt to make your marriage better!

Start the day with a hug. Say “I love you” several times during the day. Compliment freely. Apologize sincerely. Be forgiving. Don’t go to bed mad, settle that disagreement. Kiss unexpectedly. Slow your life down. Stop talking and listen and listen closely. Get rid of pride and humble yourself. And for you men… let your wife give you directions when you’re lost. Women…laugh at his jokes (even when they’re not funny). Men…ask her to marry you again. Women…say yes!

Never forget how important your marriage is. And to remind you again, marriage is work, but it’s worth all the effort. What may seem dead can be resurrected!

Bringing marriage back to life,

By: Donna Clark