Dear Doggie Claus,
Another year and a lot of memories have been added to my life. Please express to Santa that I was sorry for biting him on the rump last Christmas. It was an accident. I thought he was someone else, I swear! He left in such a hurry that I did not get a chance to apologize or return part of his pants. I tried using the “Dog Vine” (That’s where we dogs bark into the air at nothing, day or night, and other dogs bark in return. It’s quite effective.) to send an apology but my communication must have gotten garbled on its way because I never heard back from him.
On to business! Yes, it seems our family cat is still telling fibs on me. Just this year he claimed I chased off his best friend and neighbor, the other cat, LOL. Thankfully my Pet Parents did not listen thanks to you bringing me a faulty shock collar that they think has kept me in the fence since last year. You might want to send me another one as a replacement though…just in case. But I have to say, he seems really intent on getting me into trouble. Just recently I saw him in the window grooming himself as the “Dog Police” slowly drove by. It looked like a signal to me…Grrrrr! Doggie Claus, could you bring a robo laser toy and catnip to keep my feline friend busy? And could you bring a box of doughnuts for the “Dog Police” too. Make sure he knows it is from me with my compliments…LOL
Next, I need a new dog bed. Preferably one made of Kevlar and Tempur-Pedic style for comfort. My last one exploded while my parents were away. The cat said I did it, and I blamed him because cats do like pawing and pushing things around and with the stuffing everywhere, it could have been him. When Mom and Dad looked at me like I was lying, I then blamed the Russians. They looked even darker at this excuse, so I tried blaming President Trump and that got me thrown outside for a while. Note to self –next time keep blaming the cat!
As you know, old habits die hard…and, well, I was walking past Mom’s closet when I smelled that familiar scent of SHOES! I tried to control myself I really did. All I recall was salivating and then I blacked out. When I regained consciousness, Mom’s favorite shoes were at my feet, destroyed. When I heard her coming, I immediately laid on top of the evidence. She never suspected a thing as she went by patting my head. Of course, I buried the evidence. So, Doggie Claus, could you please replace the destroyed shoes? Attached to this letter is a picture, size, and style of said destroyed shoes.
Again, I ask that bones and toys be added to my stocking this year. Please ensure that they are made in the USA. Thanks again and Merry Christmas!
Everybody’s Favorite Canine Family Member
Never forget the “Reason for the Season”!
PS: Note to all my readers living in the Athens, Alabama area. It has been brought to my attention that the Athens Limestone Hospital Wellness Center is closing the swimming pool permanently as of 31 December 2021. I contacted the president of the hospital via email, Traci Collins, MSN RN, TraciC@alhnet.org. I am of the opinion that my request not to close the pool fell on deaf ears. I was given an excuse of expenditures and told of alternative pools that I could go to. These other locations are not logistically feasible for me. There is a petition being circulated if anyone wishes their voice heard or call Traci at 256-233-9119. You can also contact Wellness member Laura Kerner who is conducting the petition; try leaving a message for her at the Wellness Center. “The Maximum effective range of an excuse is zero.”
By: Joel Allen