By: Joel Allen
Hello, folks! It has been one interesting month for me and my family. My wife and I took a road trip in a 2007 Ford Escape with three Great Danes and a border collie/heeler mix. Needless to say, we were very crowded because Escapes are not at all roomy and Danes tend to get grumpy with each other when they feel crowded…not to mention a bossy border collie/heeler. It took us three days on top of that, and let me tell everyone, I learned a lot about how to be better prepared for my next crowded trip. But if I have my way, I will have a much roomier vehicle so as not to relive this road trip nightmare again. I kind of felt like National Lampoon’s Vacation with me being Chevy Chase…LOL.
First, we left on the beginning of the weekend to avoid rush hour or working hour traffic. We all piled into the vehicle and up until Nashville, everything seemed to be going well. Then one of the Danes, Felix, let go of an SBD (silent but deadly) gas bomb. Between my eyes tearing up and my wife asking, “Who did it?” I had to roll down a window. This was the beginning of a 3-day trip of stopping and letting everyone potty break plus some Pepto to ease the situation.
Something else I learned, it’s a good idea to keep rubber gloves on hand and plenty of clean linen to lay down for your dogs, including a supply of garbage bags to place the dirty linen in. Oh, and stock up on quarters for a laundromat too. It is also a good idea to get it in your head not to get mad at the dog(s) because it was not their fault.
So, Nashville was the beginning of a long nightmare. We had a few doggie accidents but we managed to clean up everyone and the vehicle. (I’m shaking my head) I do not want that nightmare road trip to happen ever again!
When someone in my predicament has to make a stop every 50 to 100 miles, it’s exhausting. During a trying time like this, patience should be your ever constant companion too.
Now, what I am about to share with everyone is not for the queasy or faint of heart. For those that have seen the movie The Matrix, you’re all going to love this. In a crowded vehicle, Felix had another accident. Yep, straight up projectile “poo”…LOL. At the time, I was not laughing, but poor Houston got hit. And just like in The Matrix, “Woodie” dodged the “poo” projectile with surprising finesse given his age and the lack of room in the vehicle. Now we’re all gagging and trying to get off the highway to get this all cleaned up. It’s during times like this that good dog training comes in handy because Houston and Felix did well when told to stay after getting them out.
Once we got off the highway and to a gas station, I took Houston and Felix, poor guys, out of the vehicle first and grabbed a jug of water out of the back. I was able to clean them up, and my wife converged on the vehicle getting it clean. Note to everyone — always carry extra water, paper towels, rags and towels for a just-in-case-of-emergency event such as this. Oh, and Dawn dish soap too! So, we managed to get Houston and Felix cleaned up. And I have another thing to add, don’t panic when something this bad happens. A lot of people never realize they are able to handle just about anything if they use what we call “problem solving” skills. Always be ready for “Murphy” too. I always say that when I die I am going to
find Murphy and kick his tail up onto his shoulders for all the bad stuff that seems to happen. You know, “If it can go wrong, it will!” (Murphy’s Law 101)
Anyways, we arrived safely but exhausted to our destination. But take it from me, learn from my mistakes and keep a clear head about ya’. I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving coming up, and I will talk with y’all next month.
By: Joel Allen
November 1, 2024
