By: Detri L. McGhee, CLU, ChFC, B.Min
Lunch was her treat, she insisted. Knowing we both love Chinese food, she said I had to choose, so off we went to a great buffet place, and ate a week’s worth of lunches in one sitting. I had put my fortune cookie in a pocket and found it this morning. As I read the “fortune” inside, the events of the last weeks affected the meaning of the saying.
It said, “Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.” At first, I wholeheartedly agreed. Then, not so much. I thought of you folks, whoever has been kind enough to read these posts every so often. Perhaps THIS is what we should consider today.
One of the important tenants of Successful Criticism Management is understanding how we learn the lessons of life. It is an uninformed and sometimes rebellious person who refuses to learn wisely. I thank God often for the people who taught me that there are multiple ways to learn the lessons of life. Sure, going through an event, circumstance, life crisis can truly teach us many lessons. We can achieve empathy instead of mere sympathy. Certainly, I believe we should pay very close attention to what is going on around us, and especially within us, seeking to learn all the lessons of life we can from every event. But the easiest, quickest, safest, most profitable way to learn is to study the lives, situations, successes, and defeats of others: To seek out people who reflect the kind of person we most want to be and learn from their lives. To surround ourselves with others who are learning, growing, loving, serving, living like we want to. Then, pay attention to the “failures”- the unhappy, the struggling who are always nearby – even within our own families and friends. They can teach us great truths, too.
How do we do that? We decide that learning is worth the effort. We pay attention to others. We seek to surround ourselves with people who carry, seek, and discipline themselves the way we want to show in our life. Read good books. Go to worthwhile conferences. Ask questions. Seek answers. Listen when you, or others, get criticism! Learn from it all. Then, always, always … THINK FOR YOURSELF.
If you want to be a critical, grumpy, tired, angry old person that no one wants to be around, then let it be because you CHOSE to be that, SOUGHT to attain that personality and attitude. Let it NEVER be because you just wouldn’t pay the price to become a better person, but rather just coasted into a pitiful shadow of the person you could have been. As long as you have breath, you can become a better person.
Learn from life’s daily, yearly happenings. Learn from those in authority over you. Learn from history, starting with the most complete history lessons ever, The Bible. Learn from your friends. Learn from your enemies! Care more about learning valuable things than you do about promoting yourself, impressing others, personal vindication, winning petty battles.
Do you have a problem? Seek out those who have dealt with a similar situation, and watch, think, and even ask for advice.
Treasure “little lessons” as well as the profound. For instance, I cannot explain it, but I used to vehemently dislike having to clean my glasses. Silly, I know, but we all have pet peeves, and that was one of mine. I was about to interview the CEO of a large bank, and in preparation, I asked God to help me see signs of what made this man such a great success, not only as a businessman, but more so as an inspirational and successful human being. After greeting me, offering me a seat, he sat down at his desk, and without seeming to even think about it, he opened the drawer, sprayed his glasses and cleaned them. BIG LESSON for this small-town girl!!! Did you catch it? Right there, I sensed more than one key to his success.
· He did the little, almost unnoticed, but necessary tasks the moment he sensed they needed to be done. He didn’t let it affect one second of his productive time negatively. No huff and puff. No sign of even minute frustration. He probably didn’t even realize what he had done.
· He taught me that he valued keeping his vision clean and clear. Expanding on that truth, I sensed he would be one who kept his conscience and his actions clean and clear, too.
· He focused on people, because I still felt I always had his full attention.
Now, almost every time I clean my glasses, I think about him, his wisdom, his habits, insight and I am grateful for each lesson he unknowingly taught me.
From our interview, I learned so much more, too. As we talked about criticism, both what he gave and what he received through the years, we discussed things he did as a younger man that he would now do differently, especially with criticism that he received (aka: feedback, ideas, and suggestions!) from his employees and family. He had read a few chapters of my manuscript on Criticism Management, and especially appreciated the chapter on welcoming advice, ideas, complaints, and even the competition’s opinions.
There is a lot of material out there about how to GIVE constructive criticism. However, I have found relatively little help in learning to evaluate and profit from any and all criticism received. Always profit? Yes, there is a way to always gain some profit from every criticism. It isn’t necessarily easy, but it is wise. And it is available to anyone who will pay the price to learn it and live it. After all, little distractions/irritations can grow if not dealt with properly.
That’s why I hope to get my book published in early 2026. If the ideas and truths many wise people have shared with me through the years can help others have a fuller, more pleasant, peaceful, profitable, and full life, then I can think of no better feeling for me!
Have a wonderful fall, full of life’s best efforts and blessings.
By: Detri L. McGhee – CLU, ChFC, B.Min
