Two Questions

By Detri L. McGhee

Q # 1: What is something your mother used to say to you that still rings in your ears today? How about you? What advice/saying/thought immediately popped up for you?

One of my greatest blessings was having a wonderful, godly, loving, smart, kind mother. My deepest sympathy to those of you who didn’t have that blessing, for whatever reason. Perhaps you could apply the question to another person in your life. What advice rings in your ear, sometimes in the most surprising places and at the most unusual times?

There are many responses that come to mind with time to think, of course, but the first one that jumped into my mind today, and especially comes up when something happens that upsets me, most especially something trivial: “A hundred years from now, what difference will it make?”

There are so many direct routes, side roads, and rabbit holes we can take from here, depending on the importance of the problem, the other people involved, the urgency of a needed resolution, and so much more. First, and easiest, is to apply this wisdom-question to trivial things that set us off, sidetrack us, or spoil our mood, sometimes for hours or days. “That careless/thoughtless driver just cut me off!” How many thoughts, words, minutes/hours does that tiny event control or affect my life? And, how many other people will I share that with and ruin some of their day? In light of eternity, what difference will it make?

Well, let’s play pretend, and ponder. “What if…?” Scenario: Driver rudely and dangerously cuts you off, almost causing a massive wreck with cars and big rigs!

1. You get so angry at that driver that you curse, call them names, and as soon as you get to work, you tell the first five people you see how stupid drivers are! What difference do you make in your life and theirs by your choices?

a. One of those co-workers was reminded of a similar rude encounter with a neighbor, and their uncontrollable temper sends them into an all-day task of plotting what will be her retribution for the neighbor’s horrible manners. They will retaliate soon. Where does the ripple end?

b. Another co-worker is dealing with a critical spouse, and all his/her frustrations, soul-wounds, fear, and deep, deep pain resurface. Their workday is less productive, blood

pressure rises, and that might be the “straw that broke the camel’s back” that leads to a huge fight and many negative results.

c. The third co-worker says, “Get over it!” and now, you are forced to decide whether you WILL… or if you will choose to add another angry reaction toward your “rude!” coworker.

d. The fourth co-worker silently thinks, “I am SO SICK of his/her griping, complaining, and angry attitude!” Their respect for you continues to decline.

e. The fifth co-worker silently thanks God that they are no longer troubled by such fleeting rudeness, even imagining that the driver was possibly rushing to the hospital for an emergency, and then verbally expresses gratitude that no one was hurt there.

2. Same incident: Driver rudely and dangerously cuts you off in traffic. What would/could have set you off earlier in your life, and made fingers fly into the air to support those ugly words now brings the response: “WOW! Thank you, God, there was no wreck from that, and please protect that driver and others from harm.” Your mind goes back to productive things, your heart rate quickly returns to normal, your attitude stays pleasant, and your blood pressure stays stable. When you get to work, you don’t tell anyone about the incident because, frankly, you will never give it another thought. All that could have been robbed from you, simply never existed. Hmmmmmm…Let me think about that!

Q #2: What are the first two words in the following sentence, “I lost my temper”?

Detri would love to hear from you! How do you develop your EI? Especially your thoughts on how to handle criticism, or problems you would like to get feedback on from others. Email: detrimcghee@gmail.com or Facebook: Criticism Management by Detri. Free outline for Criticism Management available at www.criticismmanagement.com

By: Detri McGhee – CLU, ChFC