By: Detri L. McGhee
Looking back upon this week, I am reminded that there are times that it is harder to be a kind, thoughtful, patient, and cheerful person. Stress and fatigue are two of those triggers.
Stress comes from so many directions, and just as some stress is good, necessary, and profitable like the stress of the guitar string properly applied, when it is present in over-abundance, we can find ourselves acting in ways we wish we did not. Sometimes it can be embarrassingly bad, other times, just a cross or careless word that caused hurt where we meant none to be. That is where our level of emotional intelligence begins to become apparent to others.
I am helping a non-profit distribute over 2,000 books to children in grades 2 and 3. Reading levels among children are at dangerously low levels in nearly every school. This little book helps promote nutrition, good manners, thoughtfulness, friendship, and much more. We were supposed to have them delivered before school was out in May, but all 2,000 were delivered in damaged, torn-open boxes, most water soaked and muddy, as though they had been tossed in a shallow ditch before being thrown around from truck to truck to truck before reaching my doorstep. All this in mid-May. The printing company blames UPS. UPS says the boxes weren’t the right kind. So they won’t pay the claim. (I’m wondering what kind would survive such treatment!)
The publishing company I contracted with for the books won’t reprint or compensate anything until/unless UPS pays up. So we are left with all the debt – everything pre-paid, of course — and no books, and no replacement funds. Over 2 months now of being very patient, then moving to begging, pleading, speaking with attorneys, and placing numerous phone calls and messages that are never returned, we are now waiting to see if the state Attorney General’s Office can help us. After that, only a lawsuit remains. (BIG SIGH!)
So, my friend…WHAT does a truly emotionally intelligent person do? How would/should they respond? What response will guarantee that they are not later embarrassed or ashamed of how they chose to act? One very beneficial tool for becoming more emotionally intelligent is to remember to ASK and ANSWER that question before we act/react.
I chose this response: I looked at all my copious notes, asking myself, “If I were a very wise counselor and a client asked me how to handle this situation, what would be my great, wise, beneficial reply?”
Well, the State Attorney General’s Office asked me to allow 30 days for them to get a response. So, I saw that I do have another few days on that potential source of help. And, a friend who lives out of state is ill and needs help moving. So I packed up my ditty-bag and off I went to spend about a week under even more stressful circumstances – but a much DIFFERENT kind of stress. I realized that sometimes helping others frees our energies and mind to creatively and patiently deal with our own problems.
It’s almost time to return home, and see if the AG has been able to talk some sense into someone…and if not, then we take the next logical step, which is a lawsuit and the pain/delay/frustrations there. Oh, well…While this “mess” will cause me a few minutes of frustration each day I have to deal with parts of it, I am thankful that I have learned the power of “Oh, well….” It will not ruin my day! Or even hours.
By: Detri McGhee – CLU, ChFC
Detri would love to hear from you! Especially your thoughts on how to handle criticism, or problems you would like to get feedback on from others. Email: detrimcghee@gmail.com or Facebook: Criticism Management by Detri. Free outline for Criticism Management available at www.criticismmanagement.com
September 6, 2024
