By: Detri L. McGhee, CLU, ChFC
Our new washer made the strangest noises as it worked through the cycles. Wondering if we had purchased a “lemon”, I got out the manual and pulled up videos from the internet. We still had concerns, so a few days later when we were near the store where we purchased the appliance my husband and I went in to learn more.
After much explanation and consultation, Mary called the maker’s service department, explained the problem and got directions on how to handle the issue to set up an in-person service call. I complimented her on how well she handled that, and thanked her for making detailed notes on the conversation, phone numbers, time of call and even remembering to get the name of the customer service representative she spoke with.
“You really are extra good at documenting the call and being sure you got all the information we would need to call them after we get the serial number! Thank you.” I said.
“Oh, you’re very welcome. I can’t do much right, but I have learned a little about that one thing!” She quipped.
I saw the fatigue behind her kind but somewhat downcast eyes and smile. “Mary, you did a lot more than that right with us!” And I went on to say how much I appreciated her willingness to listen to us, and offer to call the number for us instead of just giving us the number, and several other things she did well. Her eyes seemed to smile a bit to match the smile on her lips.
Joyce Landorf Heatherly, late author of Balcony People, shares how important it is for us to develop our skill of encouraging and lifting up the people around us. It took less than 5 minutes to have a short conversation about accepting ourselves as we are while seeking to become better, not letting the negatives overtake our opinion of and thoughts toward ourselves or others, and reminding Mary that God loves her NOW. HERE.
As she mentioned sometimes getting down remembering the past mistakes and failures in her life, I shared with her a truth someone shared with me years ago. Most people have one of 2 problems:
1. Group 1: Finds it hard to forgive others, but they tend to overlook their own hurtful ways or excuse them with “that’s just me!” , or “I didn’t mean anything by it.” Or even putting the blame on others: “I wouldn’t have said/done that if they hadn’t done this/that!” <OR>
2. Group 2: Finds it easy to forgive others, but they tend to kick themselves and grieve over their mistakes time after time after time, even letting past failure stop them from trying again.
One day, quite a few years ago, I was again re-living a dumb mistake I’d made and putting my stupid, thoughtless, ignorant self down, anguishing over the fact that I couldn’t change the past and erase the mistake. Then, I realized that what I thought was humility was actually the other side of the coin of arrogance and pride! Really? How could that be? I was degrading myself, not attempting to put myself up as perfect or better than others, like the unforgiving, condemning prideful people do.
Ah, but THERE was the pride and arrogance staring at me right in the face! I could forgive others, because we all make mistakes. Maybe they didn’t mean it, or perhaps they didn’t realize they had offended. Or, even if they did, they were just being human.
But, when I couldn’t forgive myself, what was I saying? Really! I could forgive YOU because you are human, and we all fail. But I….. BUT, I…. I have no excuse. I am BETTER THAN THAT! I shouldn’t make mistakes. Not ME!
Unforgiveness, whether of myself or others, is pride, selfishness, arrogance and damaging choices that we can learn to overcome. It isn’t humility. Quite the opposite. And whether it is unforgiveness toward others or toward ourselves, it leads only to destruction, depression, damage and danger. Who do you need to forgive today? Will you CHOOSE to do so for the sake of all involved? It is a freeing thing, and allows us to focus on higher more profitable life activities.
Whether in our Personal or our Professional life, Forgiveness is a beautiful, powerful and freeing choice. “We all have many choices to make in life – but we cannot choose the consequences.” May this week be filled with choices that bring life, joy, peace, kindness, patience, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Balcony People enjoy life!
Detri would love to hear from you! How do you develop your EI? Especially your thoughts on how to handle criticism, or problems you would like to get feedback on from others. Email: detrimcghee@gmail.com or Facebook: Criticism Management by Detri. Free outline for Criticism Management available at www.criticismmanagement.com
By: Detri McGhee, CLU, ChFC
January 3, 2025
