By: Eric Betts
As we step into the new year, many of us are setting intentions to cultivate more honest and authentic relationships. However, a popular meme often seen on social media captures a troubling mindset: “People are so used to being fake that when someone is unfiltered, it’s mistaken as an attack.” This sentiment might resonate with those who pride themselves on being candid, but it often misses a key truth. The discomfort some feel when their “unfiltered” behavior is met with pushback isn’t necessarily because others can’t handle candor—it’s because they themselves aren’t used to receiving the same energy they project.
Unfiltered Isn’t Always Real The idea that rudeness is mistaken for an attack often stems from a misunderstanding of authenticity. Some people equate bluntness with realness, but when others respond to them in the same unfiltered way, they interpret it as hostility. This highlights an important distinction: being authentic doesn’t mean disregarding how your words or actions affect others. True realness requires self-awareness and emotional maturity, not just saying whatever comes to mind without accountability.
Realness Requires Self-Awareness Authenticity is more than bluntly saying what you think. It requires self-awareness and a willingness to examine the impact of your words and actions. The meme’s critique of “fake” interactions often oversimplifies the complexity of human relationships. Pleasantness and politeness aren’t inherently dishonest—they can be vehicles for expressing truth in a way that builds trust and understanding. A truly authentic person balances honesty with a sense of responsibility for how their energy affects those around them.
Realness Requires Accountability Authenticity is more than simply expressing your thoughts without a filter. It’s about living with integrity, which includes being willing to accept feedback and reflect on how your communication impacts those around you. A truly authentic person doesn’t see a mirrored response as an attack but as an opportunity to grow. By contrast, mistaking politeness or tact for “fakeness” often reflects an inability to see that kindness can coexist with honesty. Being real isn’t about avoiding all discomfort, it’s about fostering connections built on mutual respect and understanding.
The New Year’s Call To True Authenticity In 2024, let’s embrace a deeper understanding of authenticity. Rather than equating unfiltered speech with honesty, let’s prioritize authenticity that includes accountability and empathy. True realness isn’t about always “speaking your mind,” but about being intentional in how we engage with others. Let’s embrace a realness rooted in self-reflection and care for others. True authenticity doesn’t seek to shock or attack; it seeks to connect. When we reject the idea that rudeness is a sign of strength, we can build relationships that are not only genuine but also uplifting. This year, let’s strive to be real in ways that create connection, not division, and remember that authenticity, at its best, uplifts everyone involved.
By: Eric Betts, Assistant Professor | Course Developer, Hampton University School of Religion
January 3, 2025
