By: Detri L McGhee, CLU, ChFC, B.Min
It is not possible to stop criticism. It is not wise to even try. Neither is it fruitful to wish we could change the fact that criticism happens. Some of it is going to be leveled at US. Some, we deserve and some don’t. Some will be given with love, some with hate, and some is not even really criticism, nor meant for us. (Criticism just simply HAPPENS.)
However, how you choose to let that criticism affect you is 100% up to you. Perhaps one of the greatest tools available to propel ourselves into a more productive, enjoyable, peaceful, sane day-by-day life could be our conscious choosing to develop the skill of harvesting the precious, productive, powerful, immensely valuable benefits of proper management of criticism and all its “relatives,” such as suggestions, complaints, correction, instruction, opposition, reproof, teaching, gripes, counsel, questioning, rebuke, guidance, alternative/opposing views, rules, bullying, negativity, etc.
Criticism means different things to different people. Unfortunately, unless we have developed our inborn traits and character to attain a high level of EI (Emotional Intelligence), we likely fall in one of two equally cumbersome areas: 1. We take criticism too seriously and let it negatively affect us, or 2. We ignore criticism, and waste all the maturing and profitable benefits that can be ours with just a little work.
What do the following people have in common?
- Eleven and 13 year old boys ambush innocent teachers and classmates
- Postal employee guns down fellow workers, then kills himself
- Estranged husband murders wife and 3 small children
- Depressed teen attempts suicide when rejected by girlfriend
- Jessica Savage, once famous newscaster, hid severe emotional problems from childhood difficulties because of this
What did they all have in common? They never learned to handle criticism and rejection. Thankfully, those are severe reactions, but in today’s world where there is an over-abundance of thoughtless complaining, criticizing, careless, ugly opinions put on public and powerful sites, it has become more and more important that we GET A GRIP on just how much we are willing to let other people dictate how we will react to their negativity.
One of the most valuable lessons I learned came from the wise attitude and filter-less comments of a precious little girl with Down syndrome. One Sunday morning I noticed that she was very downcast. I was determined to cheer her up.
‘Gabrielle, you look sad. Is something wrong?”
“I’m mad!”
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s raining! I can’t go swimming this afternoon!”
So here I go in my (probably too sugary-sweet manner!) attempt to cheer her up with how important the rain is, bringing the flowers, filling our water supply, cleaning the trees, and on and on!
Gabrielle looks right into my eyes, places her hands on her hips and says in a very controlled, yet authoritative manner, “Ms. Detri… Get a grip!”
I have used that memory many times to remind me that we need to constantly be aware of the importance of having a firm grip on our words, attitudes and deeds. I even developed magnets and a Women’s Retreat format called Get Your GRIP – Find God’s Rich, Impeccable Plan
May I share a few hints on how to profit from criticism rather than letting it delay or defeat us?
* Learn to ACT rather than REACT to negative events/words/people.
* When you are rightly criticized, do all within your power to correct the problem as quickly as
possible.
* When you are unjustly criticized learn what to ignore and what to address.
* Refuse to let other people, their attitudes, words, or actions, control your attitudes, words and
actions. No one can make you mad, sad, frustrated, or hateful without your permission.
* Learn how to forgive quickly and move on.
* Criticism is not a four-letter word.
* When criticism comes to you from an enemy, remember that opens a great opportunity to enable
you to become a better person. Take the valuable parts and use them for your benefit. It will drive
them crazy to realize they helped you! Take any parts meant to hurt or damage you and refuse to let
them affect you. That is the best punishment you can give them! And, it doesn’t require you to stoop
to their level of meanness!
* Realize that if you attempt anything of real value, you will face criticism. The more important the
work is, the more you will receive increased opposition.
I read somewhere decades ago, “To determine the value of a project, analyze the opposition.”
By: Detri L. McGhee – CLU, ChFC, B. Min
