By: Dale Lone Elk Casteel
Can you imagine a highly educated, sophisticated lady from New York City coming to Alabama to teach at a country school? The first day of school, this lady walked into her sixth-grade class to teach country boys and girls. After they had all gotten acquainted, she said to the students in her new class, “Let’s talk about some of the words you use down here that we might not use up North.”
The class was quiet for about a minute, then Billy Bob spoke up and said, “I know one…hankering.” The teacher asked him to use this word in a sentence. Billy Bob said, “I was not hankering to get up this morning and come to school.” An amazed look came upon the teacher’s face.
The teacher then asked, “Does anyone else have a word?” James Earl spoke up and said, “I have one…grateful.” The teacher responded, “We use that word a lot, but go ahead and make a sentence with it.” James Earl said, “If you want to keep your house warm, make sure you’re grateful.” A big smile came across James Earl’s face.
The teacher again asked if there was someone else with a word, and from way in the back, Betty Jean said, “I know one…sinsuwas.” The teacher replied, “That’s not even a word. How would you use it in a sentence? Betty Jean said, “My dad used it many times talking to my mom, ‘Sinsuwas up, bring me a cold beer out of the ‘frigerator.’”
The teacher said, “There has got to be a lot more of these senseless words.” Katie Bell stood up and said, “I got a gooden.” The teacher said, “Let’s hear it.” Katie responded, “Usetocould. Since I broke my leg, I don’t dance anymore, but I usetocould.” Someone in the back of the class yelled out, “Over yonder. We live up on this hill, but my Grandpa and Grandma live over yonder.
The teacher asked the class to make a sentence using the word sophisticated. After much thought, one boy said, “This city boy is so sophisticated that he don’t know how to pee off the front porch.”
The teacher said, “I have to leave for a few minutes, can you tell me where the restrooms are?” With confused looks on their faces, one of the children finally said, “We don’t have a restroom.” Another little girl spoke up and said, “Sometimes, the teacher will lay her head on her desk for a while.”
The teacher asked, “What if you had to go to the toilet?” Tommy said, “We don’t have toilets, we have outhouses.” The teacher remarked, “What in heaven’s name is an outhouse?” One little girl spoke up and said, “It’s where the boys go to smoke, if they have the makings.” Another girl told the teacher that the girl’s outhouse was away from the boys’ as she pointed down yonder. This New York City lady wasn’t at all impressed about having to go to the outhouse.
Homer, a countrified boy as country as buck grass said, “Do you mean that them city boys and girls poop inside the schoolhouse? Us country folk don’t believe in doing that!”
The teacher made it through one day of school down here in the South and learned more about the bare facts of life than she could in a year up North. She said “I am going to stick with this countrified living and show these Southerners that I can handle anything that comes my way. I am not going to eat these things that they call chitlins, or hog jowls, or pig’s feet. I am not eating baked opossum or catfish stew. When I find me a place to live, I will move over yonder like I am hankering to do, and yes, I will have a bathroom in my house, and no, there will be no slop jar in my house!”
By: Dale Lone Elk Casteel
December 20, 2024
