By: Detri L McGhee, CLU, ChFC, B.Min
This week I was texting a dear decades-long friend who has experienced multiple deep sorrows within this past year. Most recently, she is dealing with her husband’s excruciating health issues, causing pain and great fatigue to all. All this with her own health issues and sorrow of great personal loss.
We spoke of the guilt that tries to invade every corner of our life when, as the caregiver, we need a break. Time was offered to spend a few days away from the never-ending care responsibilities, to take a few days to see seldom-seen family, walk the hot sand, and sit by the relaxing ocean. A time to be in a place where she couldn’t help but relax. Her husband highly encouraged her to go – and while she knew she should, and needed the break, along with the possibility of true relaxation for a few days, came the dark sense that she shouldn’t be enjoying herself and relaxing while he was in such pain and uncertainty.
Emotional Intelligence is needed when times like this invade our lives. Grief can be a necessary and healing process. But “GUILT”? Guilt – when we are not doing anything wrong – is an enemy to the human soul. Being unable to “fix” everything for everyone else, or even for ourselves, is a fact of life. And allowing others or even ourselves to lay a guilt trip on us because of the hard situations is – quite frankly – giving in to a lie from the evil of this world itself.
Undeserved guilt is a LIE. It is FEAR, in another form. And unwarranted fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. FEAR. False. Untrue. A Lie. Evidence that proves nothing, because it is untrue. Appearing… it seems real. The guilt appears justified – but it isn’t. Real? No. This type of guilt is merely a force of our enemy trying to rob us of the rest, refreshing, comfort, grace, peace, and love that is ours for the taking if we are merely willing to receive it.
You may be offered many gifts in this life, but to fully use them, you must receive them. You must open and enjoy and utilize them to the fullest if you want all the joy and blessings from those gifts. Gifts of time, visits, running errands for you, praying, food, conversation, and phone calls or even a quick text of hearts, smiles, prayers, music, etc. can break up a session of fatigue and sadness like nothing else. Receive these.
Taking care of yourself, especially when you are The Primary Caregiver to another, is wise, thoughtful and necessary if you want to stay around to care for them while they need you. Accepting the help of others opens their hearts to be blessings, too. Accept help. Let pride go. You are not super-human. Let others know how they can help. Most people have people around them who would love to truly help if they just knew how. Simple favors can be great blessings to all involved. Don’t deny those blessings to those who really want to help.
Developing strong, balanced, powerful Emotional Intelligence skill is a life-long process. It includes education and choice. No matter how much we “know,” if we are unwilling to “CHOOSE” to accept and embrace that wisdom, we merely remain educated idiots. Choose to acknowledge that you are not perfect, but when you know you are striving to do your best, rebuke guilt! Call it the Liar that it is in this case. Give it NO credence or standing in your thoughts or actions. Enjoy the events and opportunities of life that are meant to strengthen, bless, and refresh you to prepare you for more service and life to come.
Detri would love to hear from you. Email: detrimcghee@gmail.com Facebook: Detri Atkinson McGhee Free outline for Criticism Management available at www.criticismmanagement.com
By: Detri L McGhee, CLU, ChFC, B.Min
