Having A PAL When You The Parent Are Of An Addicted Loved One

By: Ali Elizabeth Turner

Since the 1960s, drug and alcohol abuse has profoundly impacted our culture, leaving families desperately searching for help and answers. In the early days, attention understandably focused primarily on the individual struggling with addiction, alongside developing effective approaches to break the grip of chemical dependency and provide rehabilitation.

Over time, it became obvious that the families of addicts (especially the parents) needed emotional care, too, as they sought to rebuild their family life. Embracing the idea that truly helping one’s child would only come about as a result of fearlessly facing one’s own “stuff” took a while, and it was to that end that what has become known as PAL, or Parents of Addicted Loved Ones came into being.

In 2006, a licensed substance abuse counselor in Phoenix by the name of Michael Speakman started PAL which is a non-profit, peer-supported, faith-based support group that has grown to hundreds of meetings across the country. Speakman realized the nature of a relationship between a parent and child (no matter the age) is utterly unique. Most support groups failed to help strengthen that relationship. A curriculum was subsequently developed that taught parents about addiction, boundaries, and enabling. Most importantly, PAL shows parents that there is a way to live with joy in your own life regardless of the choices of your loved one.

There are several PAL meetings held across Alabama. Our newest location is at Friendship North, in Limestone County. Recently, Grace Kerby of N.Texas reached out to me with her story about how PAL helped her through the challenges of having a loved one who suffers with SUD, substance use disorder. Grace and her husband went to PAL meetings when their loved one was actively using. They not only met with Mike, they had the privilege of being counseled by him. When they moved to Texas they decided to start their own PAL group. Grace and her husband know that their loved one’s recovery and the PAL group’s success is directly linked to God, and they are grateful to be able to serve their community.

In addition to facilitating her own meeting, Grace serves as a PAL Regional Coordinator, where she mentors and trains new facilitators. As a certified mediator and family coach who has truly “walked the talk,” she is deeply passionate about the work she does.

Confidentiality and anonymity are always assured at PAL meetings. One key feature that distinguishes PAL from other support groups is cross-talk. While many groups discourage participants from interacting directly with one another during sessions, PAL encourages it, recognizing that we learn best from each other’s lived experiences.

All PAL meetings follow a standard format, beginning with their preamble, a prayer, and an educational topic, followed by an opportunity for everyone to share. PAL also offers Zoom meetings six days a week. Meetings last 90 minutes and are free.

The PAL Preamble is read at the beginning of every meeting nationwide, reminding participants of the importance of confidentiality while establishing a clear and supportive framework:

Welcome to PAL, Parents of Addicted Loved-ones is a support group of parents helping parents. We meet every week to offer education and support, at no cost, for parents who are dealing with a son or daughter battling addiction. PAL can also help spouses who have a partner with addiction issues.

PAL is especially helpful for parents and spouses, however all other sober family members and friends (18 or older) are welcome at our meetings. You will have an opportunity to give support and receive support from others facing the same challenges.

There are two parts to our PAL meetings: There is an educational component and an opportunity to share about your current experiences. We value confidentiality and we understand that everyone has their own opinion. We strive to be non‐judgmental and to not provide advice, but to offer suggestions. All of our educational topics are theory and we believe you can, “take what you want and leave the rest.”

We understand that everyone experiences this journey at their own pace and we will be just as supportive of you whether you choose to do what is suggested or not. We believe in the power of prayer and it is our desire that by attending our meetings you will learn proven ways to help your loved one and ultimately learn to find joy in your own life regardless of the choices of your loved ones.