By: Detri L McGhee, CLU, ChFC, B.Min
This week I have seen yet another dear high school classmate thrust into an additional, deeply difficult life-event. Less than a year ago they lost their only child in an airplane crash. Thursday, we sat with her while her husband had a leg amputated above the knee. Strangely, it was the “good” leg that had suddenly become gangrene.
Never before have I seen more pain, difficulty, and multiple harsh situations thrust upon my friends, and even my family. Today, more than ever before, developing and sustaining high levels of EI – Emotional Intelligence – is crucial to successfully coping with everyday life and its challenges.
How we cope and respond will affect not only our own sense of stability amid life’s challenges, but it will directly and indirectly affect the lives of all those around us. My response, reactions, and actions spill over onto multitudes of other people. Just in the hospital Thursday morning, the surgery was delayed from 7 a.m. until they finally took him back at 12:15 p.m. Also affected were the doctors, nurses, other waiting families nearby, visitors passing through the waiting area, family and friends waiting at home and work to hear how things went.
What an encouraging word to hear that the waiting patient had commented to one of his visitors,
“You just wait. A year from now I’ll be running all around with my cane walking on my new leg!” That also gives us ammunition to use when/if he gets depressed and frustrated with progress and difficulties of adjusting. We will remind him, “Remember what you promised! You will get up and WALK AGAIN!”
REASONS for disappointments, delays, difficulties and what appear as broken promises do make a difference. However, minus knowing those reasons, or understanding their causes, we can still use a higher level of Emotional Intelligence by choosing to view the situation as something it simply “IS” — not an opportunity to complain and push our negativity on others.
Question: What is my response of choice when I face a difficult situation that causes yet more stress, discomfort, delay, financial loss, or other negative result? Am I mature enough to realize that the whole situation is not just about me? Is my emotional development maturing enough to put the needs of others ahead of my own? The strange thing about thinking of others first is that the result is kinder and more blessed to myself than if I had merely reacted using my own selfish thoughts.
Did you get that? Putting others first actually blesses and empowers you more than if you have put yourself and your desires first. It is true that “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” The strange thing is, those who constantly put themselves first are never satisfied, cannot see their blessings. We cannot change everything to suit ourselves. Those who focus on self are generally unhappy and frustrated.
The most freeing, powerful, difficult, confusing, and comforting truth that I am working on developing in my life as a Christian is the understanding and application of the Sovereignty of God. As His child, if I yield to His leading, there is not one thing that comes into my life that He does not either cause or allow. The accompanying truth that “He is Love” also empowers. “When you cannot trace His hand, you can trust His heart.” (Credited to Charles H. Spurgeon)
This level of faith doesn’t come in a mighty rush of inspiration. At least not to me. It comes over decades of life experiences, disappointments, successes, and failures. And, not just mine, but by watching and living with others, seeing events from beginning to end, and in the years afterwards, with new understanding and truths emerging.
How are your reactions and actions affecting others? How are you choosing to let the reactions and actions of others affect you?
By: Detri L. McGhee – CLU, ChFC, B.Min
