By: Brenda Wilkerson
Ohhhhhh, that is the just best day! Fortunately for me, they all forgot about it — until about halfway through the afternoon route home.
I could see it on Big Carter’s face. His eyes widened, his mouth fell open, his eyes found mine in the huge rearview mirror and he gasped, “Oh no! We forgot Fake Fart Friday!”
I had a very crucial decision in the moment. I could simply claim that it was just too late, and it would rob the others from this blessed event that we all forgot about, or welcome it with the craziness of the day cause it was all going to pot in a handbasket anyway. Feeling the spirit of Friday, I chose B.
So these little tinker tots licked their lips, shove their mouths into the crease of their elbows and let ‘em rip! At one point, I tried to warn above the noise that they might get chapped lips if they didn’t come up for air, but my words were drowned out by all of the PFFFFFFTHTS!
The explosion of juicy toots bouncing off the metal walls was actually quite refreshing since the chaos was focused on one thing. It was close to my little Ryan’s stop when he challenged everybody for the best worst fake fart among those remaining. There was a countdown. Little Ryan, a first grader who is surprisingly very talented at this sport, counted down from 5 . . . 4 . . . 3 . . . 2 . . . 1!
He took a deep breath and blew into his elbow so hard that the horrendously fast multiple slap crack pops coming from the spit soaked crook of his elbow hit his ears with such intensity that I thought the top of his eyelids were gonna blow off over his forehead!
I watched as if in slow motion — his body jumped and eyes widened in a quick jolt of shock, right slap in the middle of his blubbery delivery with a sharp intensity that spooked us all!
I have never laughed so hard in all my bus life. I’m talking the head back, mouth open, eyes shut, gut laugh while sitting at the red light. Not your typical elementary bus driver countenance.
When the light turned green, I was still having trouble focusing as tears blurred my vision. Oh, he was so proud of himself! What a perfect ending to a crazy close-to-the-end-of-school Friday afternoon!
Thank you, Lord, for Fake Fart Fridays! We all needed that tearful belly laugh of absolutely chaotic free therapy!
~Brenda Wilkerson
