By: Detri L McGhee, CLU, ChFC, B.Min
Today we are looking at wise ways to deal with criticism. I hope you have pulled the Criticism Management outline from the website and refer to it as we begin working through steps to profitable use of criticism and its “relatives” (www.criticismmanagement.com). Do you remember some of the relatives of criticism? Complaints, correction, bullying, suggestions, belittling, instructions, counsel, negativity, rebuke, rules, questioning, laws, and more. It is anything that others do or say or even imply that makes you angry, depressed, sad, or gives you negative, destructive feelings, thoughts, and desires.
In developing a higher Emotional Intelligence (EI), it is our goal to take all negativity and properly deal with it, so that the result makes us a more balanced individual, more capable of handling any situation with self-control, and results in a positive outcome for ourselves. We thrive when we develop skills that enable us to ACT in difficult situations, rather than REACT to them. Acting allows us maximum possible control over the outcome. Reacting gives the control of the situation over to others.
Suppose the criticism you just received is mostly correct, deserved, unsolicited from an “enemy.” Now, by enemy, I mean someone who has reason to see you stumble, fail, or look bad. Our first response (depending on our temperament and developed response habits) is often “fight” or “flight.” We get so angry that all we think of is revenge or retribution for making us look bad, or else we get so embarrassed, depressed, or ashamed that we become incapacitated. Either extreme is not in our best interest.
Consider a different method of handling this: Think through every situation to its logical conclusion. Delay your first instinctive response until you can evaluate the whole scenario. Keep the control of your response in your control! Anger blocks your mind. Incapacitation blocks your actions. It takes practice and intentionality to develop this invaluable tool of EI growth, but the resulting power and profit is immeasurable. Paying the price to develop this discipline now results in exponential growth in your professional and personal life.
First: Deal with the deserved criticism. As you analyze what was said, how can you make it right? New insight brings new opportunities. Sometimes our dislike of who delivered the criticism can keep us from wanting to admit it is true/right. That would be like not taking the cure because we dislike the people who created it. And, after all, the best revenge against an enemy is when what they try to do “to” us becomes something they have done “for” us! We do not have to seek revenge or let other people determine how we will respond. We have choices in every single instance to decide who will control us internally. We may be captive in prison like the Biblical Joseph, but we can be totally free within that prison to be the best person we can be, regardless of our outward circumstances. You can control YOU. Choose to. Or, if you do not choose to, the default choice will be made for you – and this usually is not in your best interest.
Do whatever is right to correct any damage from your mistakes. Who do you need to apologize or make amends to? What is the best way – for them – for you to do that?
Second: Assess how you can use this criticism to become better: How can you improve your product, productivity, thoughts, or deeds? What is this situation capable of improving in your world? Implement any wisdom received and magnify the good that can come from every difficulty.
Third: Deal with any emotional, mental, or physical garbage that problems, unhealthy stress, failures, and frustrations can leave behind. USE what is profitable. Irrevocably DISCARD any thing that has been dealt with and made right to the best of your ability. One profitable thing that can come from remembering failure is that we can use it to give us strength and wisdom not to do the same thing again. More next visit…
Detri would love to hear from you. Email: detrimcghee@gmail.com or Facebook: Free outline for Criticism Management available at www.criticismmanagement.com
By: Detri L. McGhee – CLU, ChFC, B.Min
